托福作文一篇 请专家帮忙打分 顺便给点建议With the development of the pace of the modern age,technology embodies its more and more important authority gradually.And it is not only seeds in our daily life at home ,but also the academi

托福作文一篇 请专家帮忙打分 顺便给点建议With the development of the pace of the modern age,technology embodies its more and more important authority gradually.And it is not only seeds in our daily life at home ,but also the academi
托福作文一篇 请专家帮忙打分 顺便给点建议
With the development of the pace of the modern age,technology embodies its more and more important authority gradually.And it is not only seeds in our daily life at home ,but also the academic study.For one reason is that people can not live smoothly without technology.Devoloping the technology,howere,from my standpoint,is not only depending on persons’ creative ideas,but also relying upon the money invested to some extent.
Nowadays,people gradually learn about the significance of the Internet which is seeding person’s life deeply in this era.Because of the importance of the technology taking computer as the representative,people pay a lot of attentions on investing computer systems everywhere,such as university library.
I prefer to using money to buy computers rather than just buying books in this golden age of Internet.As far as I am concerned,learning to use computer fluently is more vital than gainning information by reading books.The most important reason is that Internet help us search for news and seek for information faster,so that we will improve the efficiency of our working and studying,and moreover,accelerate the rapid for persons to obtain and renew the information all over the world.That is to say ,if you need to search for materials about Hellen Keller,a famous American writer,such as her backgrounds or the name of her books,will you look for the appreciate books one by one from the book shelves or take good use of the search engine through computer instead?Which method would you choose from?And which one is the most time-saving approach?Of course the latter one.
Needless to say ,books really cost lower than computer does.Thus,we need to invest money to buy computers in order to improve the approach and education system for students who like reading.In my opinion,we should save more money from buying books and spend it on computer expenses.By this,I mean,books can be easily collected by library from everywhere people dewell,everywhere people like reading.However,we can not easily collect good functional computers from surroundings.
To help students learn more about the world and learn faster in this competitive society is what the university libraries do next.College students in modern age can not be satisfied with reading books smoothly.Instead,we need more information and break news around the world.

托福作文一篇 请专家帮忙打分 顺便给点建议With the development of the pace of the modern age,technology embodies its more and more important authority gradually.And it is not only seeds in our daily life at home ,but also the academi
分我是不太会估,满分 6分的话,我估计 3.5-4分.提点建议和努力的方向吧,
1.整体来说语法错误有点多,句型有重复的,2.建议复杂词的词义不清楚的情况下多用简单词,一些词的词义有混淆.3.整篇文章逻辑上不够紧凑.4.少用插入语,多用定语从句,定语从句多用完整形式,少用 -ing 的省略形式,伴随形式.（因为容易出现语法错误,句子容易少成分,读着也费劲）.另外,第一段开篇有点太长了.
以第一段为例.
technology embodies its more and more important authority gradually.
不明白你想说什么.technology 是没有 authority 的,its 和 authority 分得太开,不如不用.不知道你是不是想说 technology plays more and more important roles in life gradually.
it is not only seeds in our daily life at home ,but also the academic study
it is seeds 语法错误 单复数混用.句意 不清.
For one reason is that 不应该有 For,否则不是完整句.
howere,拼写错误,
persons',没有这种用法,person 的复数是 people,应该用 people's
not only,but also 用了2次,可以换 what's more,做递进用法,或者 although 做 让步用法.（考试时句型尽量不重复）
person’s 改 people's,era?area.
Because of the importance of the technology taking computer as the representative,people pay a lot of attentions on investing computer systems everywhere,such as university library.
the importance of technology,没有the
taking computer as an example,前面加逗号,因为是插入语,应该用 an example.
such as university library,后面应该多加几个词举例,government offices,companys,public utilities and so on.